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- Sexy Dentist/ Heartbreak Hotelli by Malcolm Kaksois
9/10 Phil Staff review, 27 September 2007Here's the debut 7" by Malcolm Kaksois which is the most ridiculous tale of a guy who fancies his dentist. He likes the way she drills... he eats toffees so he can go back to see her and she can fix his unrequited love infested tooth cave. There's an enormous whiff of Half Man Half Biscuit about this and it's an absolute joy from start to end with it's cod Spanish guitar stylings. It's fucking great if I'm honest and it was very almost single of the week!! I mean anything called 'Sexy Dentist' gets thumbs up from me! Orange wax and well daft....
10/10 Keith Moran Customer review, 3rd October 2007
what a fab single! been playing it on constant repeat.
8/10 Colin Pattenden Customer review,
The other day at work a shifty looking bloke approached and said you got the check out this Malcolm Kaksois bloke and his Sexy Dentist. Well seeing as this chap looks like how I would imagine Oliver Twist would look once he's grown up and zapped himself forward in time by the odd 170 years or so I took notice. Maybe it was out of some kind of morbid pity for him after all the years of oppression he has clearly suffered picking Oakum in the workhouse, or maybe it's because I had nothing better to do. Oakum, by the way, at the time was used in shipbuilding. Maybe that's why my friend has recently started to look a bit like a pirate. Not a pirate of the Caribbean more a pirate of the Kilburn High Road. It all starts out somewhat reminiscent of a John Barry Soundtrack from the 60's. The slightly flamenco guitar starts up and you half expect Michael Caines' Harry Palmer to jump out from behind the bushes, hot on the tail of some Russkies. Once it all gets going and you've recovered from the daydreams of 60s espionage Malcolm starts singing. His vocal style is of a similar vein to that of David Essexs' strained delivery in Jeff Wayne's' War Of The Worlds. Malcolm sings with a desperation. A desperation of what one asks oneself? Then as you actually start to listen to lyrics you start to release what his problem is. Malcolm you see is not getting his leg over enough. Or he is. He is not getting the kind of sex he wants. Without stereotyping too much, if you broke down society in to it two main base forms - Men and Women and then surveyed them about their fantasy figures. The majority of the women would go for the latest Hollywood heartthrob joining them for a night of passion in some exotic location, all set out like a Milk tray advert. Whilst us blokes just fancy Jordan in a nurses uniform. But the nurses thing is the extinction need for a maternal figure to look after us. Some blokes get a bit braver and fancy Jordan in a Police uniform. Here demonstrating the need to be dominated. But for the ultimate male fantasy. One that is shared by only the bravest or the brave. It's Jordan in a Dental Assistants uniform. This shows the need to be dominated by someone who inflicts a great deal of pain but also shows a caring, loving side and to top all this off. You have to pay for it too. Malcolm's desperation not only shows in his vocal but also his lyrics give the game away. At the end of verse two he leaves us wandering what is exactly meant by him stating 'It?s something about how you think you?re really small' Another sexual hang up? I'll leave that for you to decide. The songs lyrics are filled by Malcolm's hidden angst but are laid out in a similar style to Billy Joel's 'We didn't start the fire.' But whereas that song is a chronological list of specific events, names, and places. Sexy Dentist is a list of dental procedures. Dig deeper and you find the story of Malcolm's escapades in there. I can only think of one other song that mentions dental practices in it and that was Spitting Images 'The Chicken Song' which instructs you to 'extract your wisdom teeth.' Malcolm's song is far more listener friendly. He doesn't tell you to get someone to inflict pain upon you - no he tells you he's gonna have it done himself. So Sexy Dentist is a more complex song than first impressions give. It contains subject matter that is taboo in most conversations, it makes you're mind drift off back to 60s, to dental practice, to the all night chemist, and to bed. It leaves you with questions about Malcolm's sexual desires, and your own. But above all, after a completed course of treatment it makes you smile like you've never smiled before. Malcolm Kaksois - Sexy Dentist (Blang)Is it for women - NOIs it for children - NOIt is for underground hardcore fetishists. Please Malcolm can we have some more?
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