It’s 2030 and Britain is hosting the centenary edition of the Fifa World Cup™. A decade on from Brexit, the UK has torn off the shackles of European control to become the richest and most powerful country in the whole world, and Prime Minister Johnson is keen to rub it in the faces of all those naysayers who thought we couldn’t do it. For the opening ceremony, he takes to the Wembley stage with a hologram of Sepp Blatter and a portly, middle-aged Wayne Rooney. The trio shake hands, release a flurry of doves painted the colours of the Union Jack, and introduce the musical entertainment. Rooney wanted the Stereophonics, but the ever-tactful Johnson has plumped for recent Glastonbury headliners Slaves. The greying ‘punks’, lightly pinking in the London sun, run through a short salvo of ‘Vindaloo’, ‘Ooooooh Naughty!’ (the new single that will feature on their upcoming greatest hits compilation) and a couple from their truckload-selling third LP Acts Of Fear And Love. A global audience of over one billion bloody love it, you mug.
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The best VEVO punks to have ever kept it real for DIY imprint Virgin EMI continue to just make music like plain old chuggers. I’m from Tunbridge Wells so I know what their favourite pub is but I can’t tell you in case I ever go back there. I'm kinda scratching my head at how they've managed to make it to a third LP since my time working here, having assumed they'd make like the Fratellis and disappear, albeit without a "Chelsea Dagger" to hang their hats on. But hey, they are truly the band we deserve, and anyway the new album is sounding good.
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- Acts of Fear and Love by Slaves
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