It’s 2030 and Britain is hosting the centenary edition of the Fifa World Cup™. A decade on from Brexit, the UK has torn off the shackles of European control to become the richest and most powerful country in the whole world, and Prime Minister Johnson is keen to rub it in the faces of all those naysayers who thought we couldn’t do it. For the opening ceremony, he takes to the Wembley stage with a hologram of Sepp Blatter and a portly, middle-aged Wayne Rooney. The trio shake hands, release a flurry of doves painted the colours of the Union Jack, and introduce the musical entertainment. Rooney wanted the Stereophonics, but the ever-tactful Johnson has plumped for recent Glastonbury headliners Slaves. The greying ‘punks’, lightly pinking in the London sun, run through a short salvo of ‘Vindaloo’, ‘Ooooooh Naughty!’ (the new single that will feature on their upcoming greatest hits compilation) and a couple from their truckload-selling third LP Acts Of Fear And Love. A global audience of over one billion bloody love it, you mug.