Jacuzzi Boys - Live At Third Man

Scene 1 Int.
A dark bedroom. It's late in the night, maybe about 2pm. A phone rings. There is a stirring on the bed. Beneath the covers Jack White le Third is dragged from his slumber by the insistent ringing. He reaches over to the bedside table and flicks on the bedside lamp. He reaches over to the phone. He lifts the receiver, but drops it. He curses under his breath. He lifts the phone to his ear and lets out a twenty a day cough....
Voice: Hey man....
Jack White III: (mumbling) Hello...?
Voice: Jacky Boy, how the hells it going? It's TV and film actor Dabney Coleman...
Jack White III: Hey Dabs... how's tricks...?
Dabney Coleman: Real good Jacky Boy... the mouse manicure business is really treating me well. Turns out the whole of the midwest likes the idea of there mice having really well maintained nails and hair.
Jack White III: Sounds swell Dabs...
Dabney Coleman: Anyhoo Jacky boy, I've had this really sweet idea for a song. Its kind of a jingle for my company.
Jack White III: (sounding interested) Go on...
Dabney Coleman: It starts off with a bass drum and guitar riff, y'know its a bit like that hit of yours ...erm.."Make Me a Bacon Sarnie"??
Jack White III: You mean "Seven Nation Army"..
Dabney Coleman: Yeah.. Whatever... Anyhoo the lyrics go..." I've got me a little mouse... gonna comb it until it's neat... I've got a great big house... A place to take care of its little feet..."
Jack White III: Look Dabs, it sounds great but I gotta get some rest. I need to be up in a few hours. I'm doing a session with Steve Guttenberg tomorrow. He's written a whole load of really great authentic blues songs...
Dabney Coleman: (sounding dismayed) Oh..ok...
Jack White III: One of his songs is pure gold. It's a haunting ode to slavery called "My Master is a Muthafucker (RubberCock Stomp). It sounds amazing.
Dabney Coleman: Well Jacky, that's just dandy. If you wanna do anything in regards to my jingle give me a call.
Jack White III: (Getting annoyed) You want me to record a jingle for your company that gives mice buffont's and has a dire name...
Dabney Coleman: What the hell is wrong with my company's name?? What the hell is wrong with "Mice to See You"??
Jack White III: It's shitty...
A silence descends upon the pair. Each party is lost in there own thoughts. Jack breaks the silence...
Jack White III: Erm what's the paycheck like? Will there be girls there??
Dabney Coleman: The pay is good... and there will be more girls than you can shake your Icky Thump at...
Jack White II: I'm IN!!
Jack slams phone down. He has a smile on his face.
FADE TO BLACK. The Jaccuzi boys live album is pretty good. Jack White will work for pennies and pussy.